How to make enemies in a dojo:

[AngelaG]

I posted this on another MA forum but thought I'd bring it over here for you guys to read as well Feel free to add your own "What not to do" suggestions in!

Start pestering your instructor about when you will learn the Crane Kick.

Start screaming "No Mercy" as your kiai!

Start talking out of synch with your lips like you are in some badly dubbed Japanese MA movie.

For cross trainers - point out after every demo how your other instructor did it differently and you thought his way was better... AND he was a higher grade so he should know.

Make strange "WHOOOOOR" noises every time you move.

Point out that you all should get guns as they are better than any Martial Art.

Look mystically at your instructor, nod wisely and say, "You will learn one day, Grasshopper!".

Fail to look as though a technique is hurting you when doing partner work. This guarantees that the instructor will come up to show them how to do it, using you as the dummy.

Every time your instructor asks you a question reply, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!".

Turn up to your traditional dojo with a Union Jack gi, a Japanese flag bandana tied around your head and a camoflage belt.

Bring in a group of your mates to be cheerleaders as you do your kata.

Tell your instructor that you wanted it to be more like a real life street encounter, so you turned up in street clothes, reeking of alcohol.

Eat your dinner half an hour before coming in on the day the instructor decides that the warm up mainly consists of stomach crunches and leg raises whilst he runs across your stomach.

Point to all the high grades' belts in a sneering manner and say, "Where did you buy that then? Mr Pound?"

Stand in the middle of the dojo and declare yourself undefeatable.

regards
Angela

[Aefibird]

Go to a karate club and declare in a loud voice "TaeKwonDo is much better".

Point to a pic of the founder as an old man (any pics of O'Sensei Ueshiba or O'Sensei Funakoshi should do it) and ask the instructor if that's a pic of them.

Ask the instructor or senior student if they're wearing a wig... a chest wig...

Grab hold of a jo staff or bokken and make Star Wars lightsabre "whoom whoom" noises with it.

Turn up wearing a pink gi and belt and declare that white is "so last week".

In the middle of a demonstration ask when the instructor is going to get to "the good part".

Paint your toe and finger nails lurid colours and wear heavy make up.

In a traditional dojo, ask if you can put some music on during kata practice to liven things up a bit.

Say loudly at every opportunity "well, in my OTHER club we didn't do it like that..."

Tell everyone that Sensei is really just a harmless pussycat.

Pass wind loudly during silent practice. Repeatedly. Then say "better out than in!"


Erm, that's all I can think of at the moment. I'll try to come up with some more!

[AngelaG]

LOL ;D Good ones.

Going on from the thread in the Karate section:

- Stand in the middle of a grading and announce that ushiro geri is a stupid kick and it sucks.

Angela

[Aefibird]

Ask your instructor if they bought their dan grade over the internet.

When being used by the instructor for a demonstration tell them that their chosen techniques are poor and that anyone can block them.

Ask for the singing Kung-Fu hamster to become club mascot...and to have it as part of the club badge.
(for those who don't know what a Kung-Fu hamster is, it's a soft toy that sings "Kung Fu Fighting" and swings a nunchaku)

When watching others doing ground grappling ask if you can have a go at "hugging" someone.

Tell a Yudansha wearing a hakama that they "look silly in a skirt".

Make bad-Kung-Fu-movie "chop soky" noises everytime you move.

Tell anyone who fights wearing protective equipment that they're sissies. Tell the instructor that he's a big girlrs blouse sissy.
Tell anyone who fights without protective equipment that they must be brain dead neanderthals from being hit in the head so many times.

Ask why the instructor doesn't look like Bruce Lee.

Sulk when you don't get your black belt within a week of joining. Then tell all the other members that you only joned this club because you thought it was a McDojo.

Slap the instructor on the back and say "alright, mate?" instead of bowing.

[AngelaG]

angelag said:

Point out that you all should get guns as they are better than any Martial Art.

I've actually had one of the kids in the junior lessons ask me why we don't all just get guns. I pointed out that guns are illegal in England anyway, so we can't get them.... to which he pointed out "My dad's got one!"

[Aefibird]

[andym]

Certain guns are illegal. Some aren't, you do require a license and expect random inspections from a police firearms officer.

My ex's Dad does Skeet shooting so keeps his in a gun cabinet in his bedroom.

[Andy]

Reminds me of a guy who used to come to training.
Wore a sweatband to keep his long hair back.
It had, I kid you not, Kung Fu written in big stylised letters across it/
We were wetting ourselves for months over it.

[Aefibird]

Was that in a Kung Fu class or did he have the cheek to wear a Kung Fu headband in another style of martial arts?

[Andy]

It was a Kung Fu class.
I don't think he was quite all there, if you know what I mean.
I guess it made him happy, and theres never enough of that to go around.

I inherited a hang up from my indtructor for a while.
Guests were welcome as long as they didn't wear uniforms from other systems.
Latterly, I took it as a high form of flattery.

[Aefibird]

lol, at least the guy was happy!

[andym]

or have sweat in his eyes ;D